Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Alcest - Shelter


Oh! It's over? Sorry, I must have nodded off again.

Alcest released yet another well-received addition to their popular line of sedatives back in January. It certainly does the trick, though I'd advise taking care when and where you use it. This stuff is pretty damn potent, so you should absolutely avoid it when driving or operating heavy machinery, as the risk of accidentally falling asleep at the wheel is just too high. When employed responsibly, though, Shelter  is an excellent way to ensure a sound sleep.

I'd give it a solid 'A' for effectiveness.


Ummm, I've just been informed that this is in fact NOT a sleeping medication, but rather an album of music one is meant to stay awake through and listen to in its entirety. This does rather change things.

Alright, let's start again.

French one-time black metallers and current hipster wank fodder Alcest released yet another boring, tepid, mystifyingly popular album early this year. As with their previous material, there were plenty of pretty moments scattered throughout its length. Also in common with their previous releases, there was absolutely nothing else even remotely interesting going on in the record.

The band have fully completed purging what traces of metal they ever actually had, and at this point their music is purely the light, jangling, directionless indie shoegaze crap their PBR-swilling fans so desperately desire. Well good for them, I suppose. They're doing well for themselves, though not as well as they'd do if they released this exclusively on yellow vinyl and gave away a used fedora and scarf with every copy of the record. More importantly, now we don't have to close our eyes and pretend anymore that Alcest is not a part of the metal world. They have exited that door of their own volition, thankfully, so now they can go litter somebody else's yard with their dry gray piles of boring shit.

If your only problem with Pitchfork is that it's too mainstream, you may want to give this a whirl. Otherwise, use only as directed by your doctor to treat insomnia.

Grade: D


  1. Ouch. I actually kind of liked this, but only after completely eliminating any metal expectations, and only in a 3.5 out of 5 kind of way. I do kind of "get" why people love it so much, but in the same way I "get" why people love Rush so much. Meaning, I like it, but not enough to wear the T-shirt.

  2. Also, did anyone else notice the shape between the arms is the Star Trek Federation symbol?

  3. I never liked Alcest, and I still have no fucking idea why they're so popular. I thank you for tearing apart this boring album. I never would have been able to hack it.